Quacking Alone

I haven’t joined the Borg.  I have not been assimilated.  Heck, I’m not even a Star Trek fan – though I live with three (3) men who are.  That’s why I know about the Borg. Their bloody phrase seeps into dialogue at the Casa de Graham.   I know the phrase.  I know the meaning, but it doesn’t fit.  I have NOT been assimilated.  What I’ve been is the victim of a marketing plan crafted by Mr. Quack, my resident diabolical genius.    

Quacking Alone Romances has had a Facebook page for a few weeks.  It existed and I left it alone.  I operated under the theory that if it didn’t bother me and I didn’t bother it then we’d both be okay.  Then I started trying to keep this blog refreshed with daily new content – which I thought would be a good thing – by going in each morning and posting a thought for the day.  

Mr. Quack sat me down and told me that I was getting it wrong.  I didn’t want to update the blog content everyday, I wanted to put the new stuff on the Facebook page.  He said short thoughts don’t belong on the blog, to put that stuff on Facebook.  So, I moved the thought for the day over to the QA Facebook page.  And, I’ve been trying to keep the page updated with new content by going in and posting my thoughts about books, TV shows, the universe and everything. 

Then Mr. Quack sat me down and said I’d gotten it wrong again.  He said that the Facebook page for QA Romances should stay static and only get updated by blog posts.  He said I needed to work on the Facebook page he’d started for me by reaching out to “friend” folks in my network of family and friends and by posting my thoughts there.  He says that social marketing is a necessary evil. 

Well, I’ve gone out to FB and put in some of my favorites there and I’ve started reaching out to “friend” old friends, college and law school buddies and family members. It’ll be nice to have a way to stay in touch with them, I suppose.  But I wonder if my youngest son isn’t right about Facebook.  Sam says that the number of friends you have on FB isn’t about friendship or connecting.  He says it’s just a modern day status symbol. 

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was an African man who lived in a small village. The village had, as many villages did in Africa, a witchdoctor who healed and protected the villagers with various incantations, rituals, and potions.

It just so happened that the man was having a little stroll when he heard laughing from far above him. It was the witchdoctor! He was flying and soaring and swooping, like a big bird of prey, and was having a grand old time.

After awhile the witchdoctor landed and saw the man. The man greeted him with the most astonished look on his face. “How… how… how in the world did you…”

The witchdoctor said, “How did I fly, you mean? Oh yes, it was a potion I’ve been working on. I drank it and became as light as a feather, able to go to and fro with the wind! It is a marvelous feeling, it is.”

The man asked, “You did THAT, with a potion?”

The witchdoctor replied, “Yes, yes, it is very simple once you have all of the ingredients and you put them together juuuuuuuuust right.”

The man asked, “Could you tell me and show me how to make this potion?”

The witchdoctor chuckled. “Sure, sure, let me tell you the recipe.”

They spent most of the afternoon gathering all of the components of the flying potion. The witchdoctor insisted that the man do all of the work to make the potion because, well, the man was the one who wanted it.

The man listened intently to the witchdoctor as he gave him fairly complex instructions on how to assemble the potion. Finally, over a small boiling pot, the man had the last ingredient in his hand and was getting ready to throw it in. The witchdoctor stopped him and told him, “Now this is the most important part of the potion. You must not only do everything I’ve already told you, but you must also think in the way I’ve instructed, do you understand?”

“Yes,” replied the man, impatiently.

“Now remember this. Whatever you do…”

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Today will be a brief post.  Blame it on the day job.  You know, the one that pays the bills?  I exist for the day when I can write full time, but this ain’t that day (yet).  My boss – the trial lawyer at the firm where I do research and legal writing – is trying a big case next week.  I also have a brief due to the Court of Appeals next Friday so next week promises to be a real ole’ humdinger.

Thought I’d post a brief mention about my great experiment on Amazon.  I’m playing with book blurbs or product descriptions again.  Or maybe I should say that I’m playing with book descriptions still.  It’s sort of an ongoing battle.   See, my contemporaries - Griffin’s Law and E-mail Enticement – haven’t yet found their audience.  And I’m convinced that if I describe ‘em just right people will check out the sample and then buy the ebooks for their Kindles. 

Oh, I know, everyone says that nobody reads contemporaries.  Everybody says that contemporary romances don’t bloomin’ sell as well as historicals unless Oprah picks ‘em for her book club or Shonda Rhimes, Ron Howard, or Stephen King or Spielberg (or whoever) buys the movie rights.  I’m still waiting for the call from Oprah or a film mogul.  But despite that, I’m convinced that readers would enjoy the books if they gave ‘em a shot.

I’ve been changing the descriptions of E-mail and Griffin’s on sort of an ongoing and manic basis.  (I’ve been waiting for the guys at Amazon’s DTP to call the rubber room police to come get me.)  First, I changed both to add the blog posts describing my process of writing each book.  Nada.  Just, nada.  Then I went back and wrote a pithy, catchy 3 or 4 paragraph description of each. 

You know what happened?  Yep, more Nada. 

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I finally finished up the cosmetic work on our Complete List of Books page. You’ll notice we now have convenient little buttons instead of the cluttered links we had before. As I stated before, I had to handcraft the buttons because none of the publishers/distributors in question had standard buttons for use on third-party websites. So if some of them look less than polished, tough schmidt, I ain’t changin’ ‘em. Also, if you’re a representative of one of the publishers or distributors mentioned above and you want to sue me for the buttons, I’ve got some suggestions:

1. Go ahead, jerkass, my wife’s a lawyer.
2. Have your people send my people (as in me) some approved buttons. Hell, make them available for anybody who wants to use them. You might sell more shiznit that way, who knows.
3. You could leave us alone and just take a share of our money, or you could see what kind of backlash you’d get from all of the authors from whom you’re making money by treating one of them like a criminal. Piss off a large revenue base in the Obama economy? You can only afford to do that if you’re Microsoft, and even then only for a limited time.

Speaking of buttons…

Hi there! It’s the author’s overweight male spouse, pinch-hitting while the mistress of the house summons her muse for other work. I don’t know about those two sometimes.  *suspicious*

Anyways, let’s talk about some changes I’ve been working on. The big thing is that we have a Facebook page now. So those of you who are addicted to the social networking thing (read: Farmville) can now talk about us or to us on the biggest computer social network on the planet. Yay!

The next thing is I’m working on making Mary Anne’s book list page a little more attractive by changing out the text links with cute little rectangular buttons like so:

Did you know there weren’t any standard set of buttons for Amazon or Barnes & Noble or any other website that sells books? I know, it’s crazy, isn’t it? So I have to create my own and hope I don’t get sued for adding to their profits.

 Now we come to the content portion of this post: a movie review. Mary Anne and I watched The Lovely Bones last night on one of our many premium cable channels.

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE AND DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S IN IT, TURN BACK NOW! Otherwise, click the “More” link below.

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Lovely sex will rev your engine.

Sexy love will drive you home.

Don’t jump. Get off the ledge and look for an easy chair.

It’s Friday.

Stress:

It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Lizard on the wall and that ain’t all.
That ain’t all.

Is Stephen King really America’s favorite novelist? I think lots of folks have seen movies based on his novels. I think King is famous enough to get his name before the movie title (i.e. – Stephen King’s The Stand). But I really don’t believe that he’s America’s favorite novelist despite the results of the new Harris Poll.

Don’t get me wrong. I mean no disrespect to Mr. King. He’s a fine writer and he’s paid his dues. He deserves the money and the recognition. The other 2 writers who made the top 3 are James Patterson and John Grisham. Both of them also spin a fine tale and I know that I’ve read many of Grisham’s legal thrillers. Heck, Grisham is sort of the red letter standard for lawyers (like me) who write. I’ve always been especially proud that Mr. Grisham is a Southern lawyer who writes. My home region is a proud place.

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